Saturday: Mom Musings – It’s All Relative

Vegan Goodness:

Today we ate:

  • Breakfast: Green smoothies and muffins for Dad and LP.  Then Mom made some tofu scramble and toast for everyone when she and IP finally got up.
  • Mom snacked on peanuts through the morning
  • Lunch: Boloco burritos after our excursion up to the train tracks.
  • Mom continued to snack on peanuts.  LP had some grapes and tomatoes after he got up.
  • Dinner: A stir-fry with noodles and CSA bok choy.  Also, some hot and sour soup made in the slow cooker.  I still like the regular version I make better.
  • Mom, Dad and our friend all enjoyed some delicious chocolate bread while playing Settlers of Catan!

Money Matters:

Today we spent the following:

  • $50.74 at Trader Joe’s
  • $27.77 at Whole Foods

Mom Musings:

A lot of my friends had babies recently.  Some of my work friends have babies only a month or two older, and one of my good friends has a baby born only five days after IP!  I love the fact that I now have so many other moms/parents in my life.  When LP was born I felt a lot more isolated.  I had a couple of friends with kids, but for the most part my other friends were in the process of getting engaged and married, not reproducing.  However, now that so many people I know have babies there are plenty of folks to discuss sleeping schedules, cloth diapering, etc. with.

One of the great things about all these conversations is that I have people to both celebrate and commiserate with.  As all these new mom’s share their thoughts and concerns with me, I empathize.  I remember feeling like I never slept enough.  I remember days when I never got to take a shower.  I remember paying close attention to all the milestones my baby was supposed to meet every month, and making sure I gave him enough “tummy time.”  But when I hear what my friend are experiencing with their first babies, and I think about my experience with baby #2, I want travel two years back in time and kick my past self on maternity leave and obsessing over every baby smile (was it social enough?)

One kid seems so damn easy now.

Don’t get me wrong.  Having a baby (the first one) was the hardest thing I have ever done.  I went from getting to plan my whole work and life schedule around my needs to following the whims of a little creature that could only communicate by crying.  I went from making sure I got at least 7 hours of sleep to having sleepless nights.  I considered myself a relatively intelligent competent person in many areas, and all of a sudden I felt grossly incompetent at the most important job in the world: raising a child.  Most of it was awesome, but lots and lots of it was really, really hard.

Then I had baby #2.  And now all I can remember about baby #1 is the luxury of focusing on his feeding schedule instead of also trying to figure out how to get to the park and the store with a toddler too.  I remember being able to let my baby nap in my lap for a couple of hours while I whiled away the time reading a book or watching a movie.  Now I usually put my baby down as fast as possible after she eats so that I can get something for her brother, talk to my husband about our plans for the day, or get the kitchen clean enough so that I can cook dinner.

It’s not always that crazy.  There are days where the G-man takes LP to the park, or to see the trains, and I can just sit and relax with IP.  But that is not the norm, and we never really plan for it to happen.  Instead life often feels like a fly-by-the-seat of your pants adventure.  It’s always exciting and often fun, but it can be tiring too.

A lot of things about baby #2 are much better.  I don’t obsess about milestones because I don’t have the time.  I have the G-man at home with me so I get more help.  Watching LP interact with IP – and vice versa – is seriously awesome.  But it is tiring, and in a lot of ways it seems much, much harder than having one baby.

When I think back to when it was just me and LP home all day, I wonder what made it seem so difficult.  A lot of it was because it was so new.  I really didn’t know what I was doing (while now I just know that I don’t know what I am doing).  With LP, having that one baby was a HUGE change from my life-before-baby.  Now, with IP, having two kids is a HUGE change from life with just one.  Really, it’s all relative.  No matter what anyone could have told me about having two kids, having one was going to make my life crazy.  Each major life shift seems major in part because of the contrast of the “before” and “after.”  There are days when I don’t know how we are getting by with two kids – but I’m sure I would look back at these days a calm and relaxed if we ever had kid #3.  At least that is what I tell myself when I’m chasing LP, while trying to calm IP and they both need a diaper change.  “Yep,” I tell myself “this could be even crazier!”

It helps a little.

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