I found out about the school shooting in Connecticut this afternoon. I can’t explain what I felt. I can’t explain what I thought. It’s too raw, too deep, to strongly rooted in the pit of my gut, the depth of the heart, for words to capture my emotions.
I feel sorrow. I feel it for the families who lost loved ones and the children who witnessed atrocity far, far too young. I feel fear. I feel it for kids who thought they never had anything to fear at school, and I feel it for my students whom I know have to face plenty of things to fear in their day-to-day lives.
But I mostly feel numb. I can’t conceive of this happening to my kids. I just can’t. My brain started to go that direction a little, like I’m sure it did for most parents. But I can’t. I just can’t think of it.
What I can, and most certainly did think about, was how much I love my kids. How much I’m grateful for my family. When LP and IP were up from their naps, I held them tight. I told them I love them many, many times tonight. I considered, briefly, never letting them out of my sight. Then I just held them close again, before LP tired of it and wanted to go put his mike-truck puzzle together.
Tonight, I’m thinking of those families and children in Connecticut with a broken heart. Tonight, I’m also thankful for my kids. I’m thankful for my husband. I’m thankful for the love in my life. And I’m thinking about all of this a little bit more than I did this morning.