Words aren’t enough

I found out about the school shooting in Connecticut this afternoon.  I can’t explain what I felt.  I can’t explain what I thought.  It’s too raw, too deep, to strongly rooted in the pit of my gut, the depth of the heart, for words to capture my emotions.

I feel sorrow.  I feel it for the families who lost loved ones and the children who witnessed atrocity far, far too young.  I feel fear.  I feel it for kids who thought they never had anything to fear at school, and I feel it for my students whom I know have to face plenty of things to fear in their day-to-day lives.

But I mostly feel numb.  I can’t conceive of this happening to my kids.  I just can’t.  My brain started to go that direction a little, like I’m sure it did for most parents.  But I can’t.  I just can’t think of it.

What I can, and most certainly did think about, was how much I love my kids.  How much I’m grateful for my family.  When LP and IP were up from their naps, I held them tight.  I told them I love them many, many times tonight.  I considered, briefly, never letting them out of my sight.  Then I just held them close again, before LP tired of it and wanted to go put his mike-truck puzzle together.

Tonight, I’m thinking of those families and children in Connecticut with a broken heart.  Tonight, I’m also thankful for my kids.  I’m thankful for my husband.  I’m thankful for the love in my life.  And I’m thinking about all of this a little bit more than I did this morning.

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