Joyful Vegan Family

Sometimes I try and translate what my kids are saying (or doing) into how that would look in the adult world.  This often makes me laugh, and helps me understand how their little brains are figuring out the world.  In that vein I thought it would be fun to think about how both kids would answer some common job interview questions (which I gather from a Forbes article entitled “How to Ace the 50 most Common Interview Questions”).  Enjoy my thought experiment!

Round 1: LP (3 years, 10 months):

What are your strengths?  What are your weaknesses?
My strengths are numerous.  I can draw apples (see below).  I can chop vegetables with a butter knife.  I build jets, cranes and planes, and re-build them on a regular basis.  I have learned how to handle adversity, such as when my sister destroys what I am making (see previous statement about “rebuilding”).  In terms of my weaknesses, I am not allowed to use a knife with a black handle – those are the sharp ones.  I also occasionally struggle to wipe my own butt.  However, that is because I am a kid.  Someday I will be a grown-up like my mommy and daddy, and then I will be able to do whatever I want.

What is the accomplishment you most proud of?
In recent days my apple-drawing ability has garnered me much praise, and I am quite proud of that.  However, thinking over the long-term, I would have to say that wearing big-boy underpants with trucks on them truly gives me a glowing feeling of pride.

What is your dream job?
Driving a train.  Or working in an airport control tower.  Or being a dance teacher.  Or being a daddy.

Tell me about a time when you disagreed with your boss
Well, unfortunately in my current position, this happens quite often.  I work for two managers, and, as you know, reporting to two different people with two agendas presents some difficulty.  Some of the most strenuous disagreements have been about bedtime.  It is obvious that leaving the door open an inch or less is the optimal way to go, but my bosses both refuse to listen to reason on this.  I attempt to lodge rational complaints (albeit at a loud volume), but they go unheard.  Actually, that is not entirely accurate.  My complaints are heard, but instead of remedying the problem, my bosses simply threaten to remove my building materials from my office.  It is obvious my bosses have insecurity issues related to feelings of inferiority, since they feel the need to deny so many of my simple requests.

IP (1 year, 7 months):

What are your strengths?  What are your weaknesses?
Volume.  Volume is definitely my biggest strength.  Check this out: “CHEEEEERRIIIIIIOOOOOOOS!!”  Wait for it . . .  See?  The big-people servants of the house brought me cheerios.  I have noticed a definitely correlation between volume and the response of the big people.  So I would have to go with volume as my biggest strength.

Oh, weakness?  Nothing.  I am all-mighty.

What is the accomplishment most proud of?
I am most proud of my ability to climb.  Recently I have worked hard to be able to climb up on the furniture unaided, which has opened up numerous opportunities for looking out windows and flopping around on soft cushions.  I am also proud of my versatility with a footstool.  I can use it to climb on dining room chairs, coffee tables and to torment my older brother.  Truly, mastering this versatile tool has been an important step along my career ladder (pun intended).

What is your dream job?
My dream job would be to do quality control for baths.  The big people often only let me take a bath once a day, when taking a bath three or four different times during the day would be preferable.  In this dream job I would also not have to take any time away from play to get a diaper change, which would also be a dream come true

Tell me about a time when you disagreed with your boss
Recently my bosses tried to tell me that I was not allowed to have more bananas.  They kept saying things like “you already had two bananas today” and “it’s almost dinner time” which, of course, makes no sense.  Actually, come to think of it, we have had the same disagreements related to oranges, cookies and cheerios.  So, our fundamental disagreement if related to the fact that they do not think I am fit to consume what I want, when I want.  This is obviously flawed, since I have a superior palate than they do.  Unlike them, I appreciate the nuanced flavors of blue and green play-doh mixed together.  I suppose the best way to deal with these differences is to fling my dishes away in a fit of disgust when they try to get me to consume something that I do not desire in that moment.  Perhaps they will learn some empathy from that.