Saturday Mom Musings: Judgement

Delicious Vegan Dish of the Day:

Today we had some delicious fruit for breakfast.  Simple things like that make me happy.

Mom Musings:

One of the things I’m enjoying about being home with the kids is the other moms I’m meeting.  I wish I could say “other parents” but, really, it’s other moms.  I already talk to the moms in my neighborhood a lot, and we all get along really well.  We all share horror stories and irrational concerns, and everyone is really supportive.  When I’m with these mom-friends I’m totally willing to share my worries about LP taking a bit too long to start talking (not a problem any more) or IP not really crawling (less and less of a concern as the days go by).

I also have friends at work, several of whom are new moms.  When we get together I also feel supported.  I can share my angst about both working as a teacher and being a mom.  I can share my frustrations about my kids.  I can laugh about the multitude of bodily fluids I have to handle on a daily basis.  There is no judging, only support, validation and some help with problem solving.

This week I went to my first session of a “Yoga and Mindful Parenting” class.  I really enjoyed the time to do some basic yoga poses and to just relax and focus a bit.  I suspect that this class will also become a supportive enviroment for me as I get to know the other moms (yep, all moms).  However, during this first class we all went around and introduced each other and were asked to share what concerns/stressers we were experianceing around parenting.  I was scared to death.  Of course I have parenting concerns, but I wasn’t sure  I wanted to share them with eleven strangers.  Mostly, I was scared of being judged.  I didn’t want to be the mom who shares a major concern, only to others thinking “whoa, she is really screwing up!”  Nor did I want to share a concern that would just make people annoyed like “sometimes my kids are too nice in playgroups” or “I just can’t get my son to stop eating broccoli.”  How way annoying is that!  So, I spent the entire “introduction” time trying to find the perfect “concern” to share with the group – not to obnoxious, but not to dire.  I landed on “I want to focus on and enjoy my time with my kids instead of being so stressed about my to-do list.”  Very true, but probably not my biggest parenting concern.

I wonder why I worry about being judged by other moms.  The more I think about it, I think I’ve only met one mom in the past three years who exhibited any judgy behavior whatsoever.  I have mom-friends now who are beyond nice, who are understanding and who have a great sense of humor.  But something still persists that makes me scared to be honest, that makes me almost certain that someone, somewhere, is going to judge me as a parent and find me lacking.  I think some of these feelings come from the fact that I’m not super confident as a parent.  I make mistakes all the time . . .  and those are just the ones I know about.

So, maybe the judgy parent I’m expecting to find is really in my own head.  When it comes down to it, I’m probably the worst judgy parent to myself, always managing to find fault with something.  Maybe to quell my fears around strangers I have to confront my own self (my parenting “id” if you will) and accept that I’m doing the best I can.  Maybe then I can be more open to support from the wonderful mom’s I’m surrounded by.

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